the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
