I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
