i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
