You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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