I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
