I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
