Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
