I think my fart just growled at me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
