Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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