Just fell off a train. Bad.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
