just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
