Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
is it fun? or sober?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize