I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
