My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
