had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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