And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
