I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
