And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
