he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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