Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
