i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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