My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wanna passion pit in your ass
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
