I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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