it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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