i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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