oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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