Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there is glitter all over my balls
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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