I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
MIDGETS
????
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
