I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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