Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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