dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
