What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
