i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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