I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
