We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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