Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
