I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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