He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
