True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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