I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
