yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
