waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
