I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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