my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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