Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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