i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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