Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
