Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
