remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no you cant smoke seaweed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
