this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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