i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
