the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
