Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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