Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
