I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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