Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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