he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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