Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
