That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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