Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
