Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
