the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
