Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Got a toothbrush?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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