so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
