thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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